January 2011
5 posts
3 tags
Losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.
December 2010
16 posts
Connect, disconnect.
Philippines, 2010-2011. Ten things.
1. Barasoain Church museum: its eerie silence, its wooden floorboards, the soft flutter of its flags in the November breeze, the demanding stillness of portraits everywhere, everywhere - heroes, activists, dead presidents - and my brief, though utterly convinced, reconciliation with the idea that ghosts did exist.
2. UP Film Institute, watching a film that my...
3 tags
4 tags
A girl you once knew
It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange When I try to explain how I feel That I still need your love after all that I’ve done You won’t believe me All you will see is a girl you once knew Although she’s dressed up to the nines At sixes and sevens with you I had to let it happen, I had to change Couldn’t stay all my life down at heel Looking out of the...
4 tags
The end of an elegy.
The silent and final walk from the burial plot to the car, when loss has finally been figured into the subconscious, accepted with no qualms. Or the pensive quiet that greets you in the morning, where once only sobs had been heard. Or the surprise you get when you stop remembering to set an extra place at the table; when you decide to sort through his things and give them away to the poor.
...
2 tags
Frustration.
What, am I supposed to be surprised by your disappointment now? As if I hadn’t had enough of that in the past. As if I’d never been your almost-there-but-never-quite-enough project. You neglect me this whole time and suddenly you’re pissed off that I’m not quite what you expected? That I’m not one of your prodigies? What the hell do you want?
2 tags
Of scars.
Listen, I have scars, too. I can name each one of them, their dates and numbers and vital statistics.
And so I get it. I get why this game’s so disheartening for you. That is why I couldn’t bring myself to be honest and upfront with you to begin with. The very scars that I bear made me acutely aware of yours.
Maybe that’s my fault. Maybe this was all a product of my insecurity,...